'RAPEDMYSOUL' - I STILL RECALLED

I could still recall; I was 6 years when I was first abused by this tall, mustashed, gentle-looking but 'monstrous' man. 

His figure is still intact in my memory, I can still see myself as that toddler, I remember the cloth I wore, the cloth he wore, the wooden bed, roughly layed dirty and foul smelling bed-spread- I still recall all. 

At first, I was scared, confused and wondered if he wanted to kill me as he lifted my small body and placed me on the bed. I still recall his imbalance long body on my small body as he held the frame of the bed for him to penetrate my little little v*ginal.

As he did it, I was crying so loudly, yet my tears did not weaken his manhood. 

My mother left me at my paternal grandmother's house. She just got a job, formerly she taught in my school, we left home and returned together. Because of her new job I had to stay there till she returned to pick me to our house. 

The rapist was my father's elder brother's son, I knew he was more than 20 years as at then. I got back from school that day, I entered the sitting room, but no one was seated, so I went to different rooms to see if anyone was around as I was so hungry. 

He heard the door and called me to come to his room; he rushed out for few seconds, probably to be sure no one was around, then he came back and bounced on me like a hungry lion that saw a scape goat for lunch.

I cried, the painful thrusting still signals pain in my heart till date, I still cried before I slept off, for many years. 

Not like I forgot, I just didn't share it with anyone. The thought always came like a flash and whenever it happened I stopped eating well, no one noticed my brokenness, it remained with me as I grew up. 

The rape broke something in me that left me angry, bitter, unhappy, confused and other phycological issues. It was a big childhood struggle. I was so mentally stressed that I had several mental breakdowns and suicidal thoughts at different points of my life. 

It was a lone journey and it felt like the world hardly notice....

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